Coping
by BlueMeansILoveYou
Summary: For years Asami has been struggling to deal with the fear and worry that comes with being the Avatar's girlfriend. Korra is blind to Asami's inner struggle, as Asami tends to keep her feelings bottled up. Oblivious as she is, Korra goes on more and more trips across the nations, leaving a terrified, helpless Asami behind. Right until Asami's coping technique comes to her attention.


It started out quite innocently. Asami became angrier, more snippy when Korra was at home, but otherwise nothing seemed out of the norm. Korra hardly noticed. Asami also started spending more time at the office, claiming that her work load had increased by way of this and that.

Korra never questioned it, she had never really wrapped her mind around exactly what is was Asami did for a living. She figured it was a normal thing.

The second thing Korra noticed, was the fact that Asami would more often than not return exhausted from work. She had fallen into a habit of falling asleep as early as 8'o'clock in the evening, when the pair would sit on their couch and talk. Once again, Korra brushed it off as a regular thing that sometimes came along with owning one of the biggest companies in the world.

The exhaustion thing passed after a month or two. Asami would still return quite late from work most days, but her reason was no longer work. When Korra asked what the holdup was, the answer was usually: "Lin offered drinks on her", or "I ran into friends on the way home and we went out to catch up". Fool that she was, Korra believed it all.

She first became suspicious when Asami came home dazed, with a bleeding cut on her forehead. Worried about her girlfriend, she asked what happened. "Silly me," Asami slurred, "I walked into the glass door at the office. Y'know me, clumsy as always." Would have made sense to Korra, if she had not known Asami for as long as she had. The older woman was practically the very essence of the words elegance and grace. There was no way she had walked into a door.

Asami later confessed that she actually had a minor crash on the moped, but had been too embarrassed to say anything. Korra knew that the moped was as close to an extended limb to the other girl as it was possible, so she was of course curious as to how it had happened. Asami just shrugged.

It became a regular thing for Asami to have two glasses of wine with dinner, on some days even three. In addition, she would always have one more before bed. She made excuses, but none of them were good or even remotely believable. Her most used was by far: "It helps me get through the paperwork faster". Korra knew that Asami always liked to go through all of her paperwork thoroughly, but if her excuse had any bit of truth to it, Asami had to be drinking at work as well.

Deciding to act on her suspicions, she made contact with the people Asami worked with every day. They all agreed that their boss had seemed different for quite a while. Some even said that it was not unusual to find a bottle of wine on her desk, a new one each time. Two or three admitted that the quality of Asami's work had reached a low point lately. One went as far as to call it sloppy.

Armed with this new information, Korra realized she would have to confront Asami about all of this. The thought scared her, given how cold and distant Asami had become.

Seeking advice, she went to Pema before she confronted her love.

Pema sighed when Korra had told her everything, every single detail and every change in Asami's behavior during the past couple of months. She looked at Korra with a knowing look in her hazel eyes, a sad look upon her face.

She told Korra that if she really wanted guidance, she should travel back home and talk to Katara. And so Korra did.

Katara greeted her with an expression that told her she had been expecting her.

They sat down inside Katara's hut, and Korra told her exactly what she had told Pema. Katara shook her head sadly as Korra finished. She admitted that she was not at all surprised that this was happening. She explained to Korra that she knew, from experience, that being the Avatar's lover was far from easy. Especially when Asami was forced to sit alone in their home for months on end, unknowing of Korra's whereabouts and unable to help in any way. There was a constant fear that came with having the Avatar so close to one's heart, and not all were strong enough to carry that fear alone.

It made sense to Korra. She felt slightly guilty as Katara's explanation went on. She had been so angry with Asami, she just could not understand why anyone would do such a stupid thing to themselves and the people close to them. She felt relief when Katara told her that she was entitled to her anger, it was a stupid thing to do, no matter the reasons. She begged Korra to have understanding when she confronted Asami. Korra promised she would.

The trip had gone on longer than expected, almost two weeks. Korra had stayed a while, gathering up her courage and preparing to face Asami's addiction head on. When she returned home, Asami was passed out on their couch, an empty bottle of wine on the floor beside her. Korra's heart broke when she went to pick the other girl up, and Asami started sobbing violently, burying her head in Korra's chest. Korra carried her to bed, and cuddled her for the entire night.

Asami was beyond angry when she woke up and found Korra in the kitchen. "Where have you been?" she asked. Korra calmly told her that she had gone to visit her parents. "And you didn't tell me, why? You can't just leave for two weeks and not tell me where or why!" Korra felt like her head was going to explode.

"Asami," she said softly, tears welling to her eyes, "we need to talk."

"You're not yourself right now, love. You haven't been for a while. And I love you, but we can't be together if you're going to keep destroying yourself like this."

Asami looked terrified, relieved and heartbroken, all at the same time. She spoke quietly:

"I'm not sure you know what you're talking about."

"The drinking, Asami. I know what's going on."

"You don't understand Korra," Asami sniffled, tears falling down her cheeks, "I need it. It helps me get through everything."

"What's everything? Why won't you just talk to me, like you used to?" Korra was crying too now.

"The worry, the fear! I feel absolutely terrified every time you leave for some dangerous mission and don't make a sound for months! I feel terrified when you're home, because I'm scared you'll be gone the minute I start to feel happy. And I know there's nothing I can do, if you get kidnapped or hurt. I feel so worthless!"

"I'm sorry, Asami. I really am, but I can't just give up my duties as the Avatar because of this," Korra explained, stepping close to her girlfriend. She gently stroked her hair, trying to calm them both.

"Don't apologize! That's the worst part; it's not even your fault. It's me. I'm just too weak to handle all of this alone, but I have no one to talk to about it! Mako is too awkward around me, Bolin would never understand, and I really don't have anyone else! You may not realize it, but I'm not quite as good as befriending people as everyone thinks," Asami leaned into Korra's touch as her voice lowered to a whisper, "I'm all alone, Korra."

"You're never alone. I will always be here, but you need to promise me that you'll stop. We'll get you help, we'll find someone you can talk to. I'm sure Pema and Tenzin will let you stay with them whenever I'm gone. That way, you won't be alone here," she didn't say it, but she wanted someone to keep an eye on her, too.

"I want to stop, but it's not that easy. Who would help me? I'm just a big fucking joke."

Korra grabbed Asami close in a tight embrace when she heard the absolute desperation and helplessness in the other girl's voice.

"I love you," she whispered repeatedly, planting soft kisses to Asami's forehead, "and we'll figure it all out. I'll stay home for a while, until you feel like you can handle me being gone. We'll get you sober, Asami. I love you."

"I love you too," Asami sobbed quietly, tears soaking through Korra's thin shirt, "I love you so fucking much."

They stood locked in that tight embrace for a very long time, both needing the support it provided, neither willing to let go and start facing the problems just yet.


End file.
